DEAR DIARY

PRAYER: Lord from my heart I pour out to You my thoughts and my concerns within my own life. May it relate and a glimpse into my heart.

VERSE OF THE DAY: Matthew 5:8

Where do I begin? My weekend has been the longest most depressing weekend that I’ve had in years. I have never felt so humiliated and under appreciated in my life. Yet I don’t think that it was intended to be like so. I think it was more so for me to have a wake up call. The wake up call was sharing with me where I truly do stand. How I have probably on numerous occasions taken it for granted out of an act of comfort.

I found myself at a very low point yet again in my life. It was such a great loss that I had felt. I asked and prayed to God several years ago to never experience that again. How I wish that it could be taken seriously, my heart that is. I’m so passionate about what I do, excuse me what I did do. I believe the dynamics is changing some and I don’t have to work as hard as I did previously. Well, so I think.
I find myself having several moments. You know moments when you really have to just sit and ask yourself what is really happening? What is really going on in my life at this very moment? It’s all a dream that I want to wake up from. As you can see my hand has not been dealt the best cards. I am aimlessly wandering now. I’ve never felt so lost and so confused until I’ve reached this place within me. This cold place. This place of uncertainty. This place of insecurity. This place within the depths of my soul. I felt so lost to the point of tears. In fact I haven’t shed so many tears in a very long time until this past weekend.

How I question the call that is on my life so often. Just when I think I’ve figured it out or may even be close something or someone comes and snatches the rug from under me. It pains my heart as I fight to find security, as I fight to find my covering, as I fight to find my so called friends, and don’t even begin to get me started on so called family. How I wish I could piece together this puzzle. It went from being a big picture to little pieces of a puzzle all over again. As if someone who has power has snatched my visions and dreams right from underneath me.

And yet I must admit my impulses can thrive in the most brilliant of ways. It’s not intentional but a genuine love that pours from the depths of my heart. Yet it is rejected by so many. Reminds me so much of how Christ may feel. I cannot begin to tell you just how blessed we are to serve such a strong and mighty God like we serve. One who grants us mercy, love, and grace every day. He is forever faithful and true towards us.

I say all of that in hopes to empower you to continue to serve God and give Him your very best. Allow God to work out all of the wrinkles and creases that maybe going on in your life. Get connected and plugged in to a church that will allow you to grow and flourish as you embark upon your relationship with Christ. Understand that God’s love for you is unconditional. Trust that he will see you through it all. Well I pray that this blesses you to see where you may be standing in your low places. I hope you see where you will elevate to if you just keep seeking and trusting God. Hope you have an incredible start to your day.